


blond

by Suchsmallhands



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, First Meetings, M/M, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21754972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suchsmallhands/pseuds/Suchsmallhands
Summary: A series of unlikely events lead to Remus and Sirius together in a lift - stuck."Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator."
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 92





	blond

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of a Lemony Snicket quote: "Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator."  
> All of the songs are from blond by Frank Ocean, plus Chanel by the same.

“I’m going to be… an astrophysicist.” Remus said. He narrowed his eyes at his laptop. “Going to be….” He squinted. There was a blank page in front of him where an essay was going to go. “I am going to be… an astrophysicist.”

As Remus hunched over his desk and squinted at the blank page before him, he absently rolled a blunt. He was going to be an astrophysicist and he was going to write this paper and it would be an A and he was going to get just a _bit_ high while doing it.

He finished the roll and put the rest of the bud away, his mind doing rapid little ruminations over the amount of money he spent on this little smoke that he didn’t have to spend.

He stuck it between his lips and lit up, forcing himself to type. It’s not that he didn’t know how to start, he’d had so much practice by now he could do it in his sleep. But the _energy_ it took. He had to work himself up a bit.

He typed like this for a good while and he put on _blond_ while he reviewed what he’d already completed.

 _Glory from above, regard my dear…._ His phone lit up with notifications from his mother, which he responded to after the third text. Photos of the Christmas tree at home. Photos of Lyall. It was sweet that she tried to make them warmer to each other. He loved his dad, of course. But they just weren’t close.

 _Many college students have gone to college and gotten hooked on drugs, marijuana, and alcohol. Listen, stop trying to –_ He skipped that one and took a long haul, stretched out against the back of the rickety wooden chair. He sighed out thin smoke, one arm propped on top of his head. His legs only sort of fit under the table stretched out like this. Sort of cramped. He scratched the bare skin on his forearm, the sleeves of his sweater pushed up.

 _It’s hell on earth and the city’s on fire, inhale in hell there’s heaven… There’s a bull and a matador dueling in the sky, inhale in hell there’s heaven…_ He groused out a sigh and a grumble and reached forward to make an edit. There was a window right in front of his desk. It was small and humble and really, placing his desk here in front of the window was inefficient usage of space but he was determined to sit in front of the window. On the sill he had _A Brief History of Time_ and _Schrodinger’s Cat_ , which was battered and had a rubber band snapped around it to keep it from falling apart. It was an old book and had notes in it from so long ago he couldn’t throw it away, his mother’s handwriting on the inside of the cover, _you’re my star – love Mom._ He frowned at the dying ember on the plate in front of him. He rubbed his face and saved the draft on his computer.

He was really quite inebriated at this moment and made a slow and ambling way to the kitchen, so small and so humble and oh so much a part of the rest of the living room but be it ever so humble it fed him. He stared blankly into the cupboard and then the refrigerator before accepting that there was no food.

“Fuck.”

He stood there for a few more moments feeling _quite_ heavy. He frowned forlornly when the song changed, _poolside convo about your summer last night,_ and he knew he needed to get to the grocery.

“I’m not going to stay here and enjoy my high,” Remus said to himself, aloud, and he made his way to the tiny bedroom to change his pajama bottoms out for trousers. He tripped a little bit over some underwear on the floor, grousing mindlessly like an old man and bending over slowly to push the pile of dirty clothes into a pile out of the way of the doorway. He had classes in the morning, and he would have tutoring to do after classes. He must buy groceries.

So, he smashed his feet into his shoes, following the music along in his mind and forgetting to turn it off completely, he picked up his grocery bags within a grocery bag and hung it on his shoulder and shuffled out.

He was still hearing _White Ferrari_ as he made his way down the hall which was quiet with the late hour. These were student apartments which he was very lucky to have obtained - through work, luck, and grant money - even though he was at the appropriate age to have his own rooms.

He floated along absently. Down the hallway. Smile and rasp kind words when petting the neighborhood cat. Open the door to the elevator room. Press button. Sway on his feet as he waited for the lift. Wake up a bit when the bell toned. Step in and press the button. Think a little bit about the lithium problem and wondering what exactly his professor would say about it.

He was awakened by a stampede of feet pounding towards the door and watched as this person made the absurd dash to beat the closing elevator doors and scraped through at the last minute to come to a stop against the back of the lift.

The stranger smiled at him and straightened up, “Close one.”

Remus stared at him as the lift began to descend. He wouldn’t normally be so unaware of himself as to stare so rudely but he wasn’t sober when he’d lit up that last one and this was no ordinary man. This was a _man._ With a capital M. And _pretty._

_I am so bi._

The stranger didn’t seem to pay any attention to his staring, pulling his phone out of the pocket of his leather jacket to text. Remus’ eyes were just a bit wide and concerned looking. He looked forward and tried to ignore it – it being this tall man with black tight jeans, leather jacket, hair shiny and healthy in the ‘definitely shampooed _and_ conditioned’ sense, long dark eyelashes, and hip popped out as he texted. Remus glanced at him only once more and kept his eyes forward. 

And then the elevator lights flickered once before the whole lift came to a neat and resolved stop. Remus waited for the doors to open and admit a new passenger, glancing up at the floor number displayed overhead which was unmoving on three. He frowned and looked at his fellow passenger to see him staring at the unchanging number three with a sort of _well, it’s quite stopped,_ expression.

“I believe we are stuck.” The man announced, one hand in his left jacket pocket and one still cradling his phone. He looked at Remus and then smiled with amusement. He moved quick and matter of fact to lean in front of Remus and press the help button on the dial, staying suspended before him and pressing the button several times in vain.

“Is it working or not?” He smashed the button and shuffled while looking for other instructions, returning to harass the button a few more times. “What on earth,” he pressed the lobby button several times.

Remus stared at his ear where his silk black hair was tucked behind, so close to him because he hadn’t thought to step back and give the man more room to make obviously fruitless tries at the buttons.

 _Oh, no._ Remus blinked as the man stepped back and told him they were simply stuck and he was sure there would be someone to come fix the lift in a few moments. _I am very high._

Remus blinked quietly with no response and the man lifted a finely arched brow at the awkward silence.

_So, so high._

“Are you alright?” The man’s brow creased, and Remus shook his head and nodded in a surprising combination.

“Yeah, yes.” He nodded again. “Just high.”

The other man’s face quirked in delighted amusement. “Alright then.”

“Right.” Remus smiled back and laughed a little under his breath. “What are we doing, then?”

“Well, I’ve exhausted every button, there’s really nothing for it, I think.” He shrugged and lifted his hands which were tucked inside their jacket pockets. “We’ll die, I guess!”

Remus laughed shortly at that, nodding slowly. “Oh, no. That’s no good.”

“Certainly, no good! But we’ll die together.” He smiled at Remus and made direct eye contact. Remus knows, even as he smiles back, that he wouldn’t be able to hold eye contact like this if he weren’t wearing a high like a weighted blanket cloaking his body. He wasn’t a socially nervous person by any means, it wasn’t anything like that. But this was looking into the sun, and that’s not really a fair game is it.

“What’s your name?” The man asked. “If we’re to die together I should know.”

“I’m Remus.” He smiled politely and sat back so he was leaned against the wall.

“Hello, Remus, I’m Sirius.” Remus tilted his head and frowned.

“Sirius like the… star?” Sirius did a sort of surprised and pleased expression and then flicked his hair over his shoulder and propped a hand on his hip.

“Why yes, thank you!” Remus laughed because it was his natural response to something silly like that.

“Are you a student here?” Remus asked, clearing his throat.

“Yes indeed, as I assume you are?” One of Sirius’ long legs was cocked out to the side and rocking on its heel.

“Yeah, astrophysics. You?”

“Philosophy.” Remus’ brows lifted and he blew out a breath.

“Philosophy, good lord that’s tough.”

“Tough if you like clean answers.” Sirius quipped, grinning at Remus in a sort of sharp way that he wasn’t sure was entirely polite. Remus’ mouth quirked downward and he nodded, humming politely.

“This is going to be boring.” Remus said.

“No!” Sirius gave him a look as if he shouldn’t have suggested such a thing, “We’ll entertain each other as we wait for rescue, of course!”

“Entertain each other.” Remus echoed, still just a bit slower than usual.

“Certainly! Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.” He rattled off, “I’m quite prepared for this circumstance, actually.”

“A card trick?” Remus asked, “I don’t have any cards.”

Sirius’ head knocked back a bit with a short laugh at this, which brought a smile from Remus.

“Neither do I, darling.” He laughed, “We’ll have to make do.”

He huffed out a little breath of laughter at the endearment.

“Do you know any jokes?” Sirius asked eagerly like a kindergarten child with just as much enthusiasm in his face.

“Ah…” Remus cringed at his lack of any jokes to think of. He wanted desperately to avoid being sat in this lift with a pretty man and an awkward silence to accompany. “I can’t think of any right now.”

Sirius gave him a grinning look as if this is exactly as he’d expected and he was unsurprisingly unimpressed.

“Well, not to worry, as I said I am prepared.” Sirius gave himself a preparatory wiggle and lifted his chin, “How do you make a Kleenex dance?”

“How.”

“You put a little boogie in it!” He put his open palms out to the side and Remus narrowed his eyes as Sirius grinned.

“That’s awful,”

“No!” 

“That’s awful! Terrible!”

“Well, it beat yours!” Sirius rolled his eyes and leaned back against the opposite wall, “The standards these days, really, everyone’s a critic.”

“That was terrible.” Remus needled happily.

“Alright, mister, that’s enough of the jokes then since you’re such a piss poor audience. Know any poetry?”

“Poetry, oh I don’t know,” Remus started and Sirius gave a wolfy grin.

“Come on, you know poems don’t you. You must. Look at those sensible shoes! You love books.”

“I- alright, it’s a university, I think we all love books.” Remus rebutted, and Sirius laughed.

“You book worm! Come on now. Let us have it, what have you got.”

Remus shook his head and griped _I’m not going to recite poetry,_ which Sirius overrode with _Oh, you have something much more urgent to do, do you?_ Which Remus rolled his eyes and griped about some more.

“Come on, don’t be shy!” Sirius barked. “Here I’ll go first.”

“Alright,” Remus’ brow quirked inward briefly, wondering what on earth he was about to say.

“O beautiful was the werewolf in his evil forest.” And he just rattled off a poem without a bit of embarrassment, “We took him to the carnival and he started crying when he saw the Ferris wheel. Electric green and red tears flowed down his furry cheeks. He looked like a boat out on the dark water.”

Remus stared at him and narrowed his eyes.

“You just made that up.”

“Did not!” His shoulders drew up as if he’d insulted him with the suspicion. “It’s by a guy and everything, name starts with a B, or something.”

“Huh.” He nodded.

“Your turn.” Sirius blinked prettily and shifted against the back wall.

“No, I can’t,” Remus grumbled and did what he could to avoid his eyes.

“Oh, _come on_ , I did one for you. Just do one,” Sirius whined, “Just one.”

Remus sighed awkwardly and caught his grocery bag as it finally slid off his shoulder and he fumbled with it before just setting on the ground. “I can’t remember very many off the top of my head, you know,” but Sirius needled him immediately and Remus acquiesced.

“I met a traveler from an antique land, who said –“ Remus started with notable reluctance, “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone stand in the desert… Near them, on the sand, half sunk a shattered visage lies… whose frown, and wrinkled lip, and – and sneer of cold command, tell that its sculptor well those passions read which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things… the hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed. And on the pedestal, these words appear. My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Nothing beside remains.” His voice got just a bit softer, “Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away.”

Sirius was watching with calm and neutral eyes, pretty mouth closed and head tilted as he listened to the story. His arms crossed over his chest.

“That was nice.” Sirius said, “When did you find that one?”

“Oh,” He shrugged, “Few years ago, I suppose.”

“You read it nicely.” Remus just stared back, hands in his pockets.

“It’s your turn.” He nodded to him and Sirius smiled back benignly and smooth, opening his mouth without pause.

“The night has a thousand eyes, and the day but one; yet the light of the bright world dies with the dying sun. The mind has a thousand eyes, and the heart but one: yet the light of a whole life dies when love is done.”

Remus’ head notched back a bit and he frowned at that.

“Like that?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t know.” He said.

“I think it’s sweet.” Sirius murmured. Remus’ brow creased and he thought about the words again. Maybe he was still a bit high but his sternum had twinged at the words. And his even, not unkind but not sympathetic cadence.

“You think that’s sweet?” Remus’ brow quirked, “It’s sad.”

“Sure.” Sirius shrugged a shoulder and let a quiet pass between them. “I believe it’s your turn.”

“I… I can only think of one.” Remus said awkwardly with a huff, “It’s stupid.”

Sirius rolled his eyes as if impatient to get through this part, arms still crossed comfortably, “Come on.”

Remus shuffled and said alright.

“I wrote you a letter, and then another letter, and another, and another, until I wrote you a word.” He started, taking his time and thinking what a shame it was that he couldn’t think of any better poems. “So I wrote you a word, and then another word, and another, and another, until I wrote you a sentence. So I wrote you a sentence, and then another sentence, and another, and another, until I wrote you a letter.” He squeezed his hands in fists in his trouser pockets and said simply, “I hope it finds you as I found you. Yours truly, Yours, truly.”

Sirius’ eyes widened and Remus’ slow thoughts brought up the animated image of the Grinch’s heart, _as it grew three sizes that day_ , the little red heart breaking out of its box with its growth. Sirius’ lower lip puckered, and he frowned with his wide slate grey pretty eyes blinking at him.

“That’s _sweet.”_ Sirius pined.

“No.” Remus smiled widely across the stuffy elevator at him and felt his own traitor heart grow three sizes that day _(and the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches plus two)._

“ _Yes,_ terribly sweet.” He smiled and Remus ducked his head to avoid it, “ _Terribly_ sweet.”

“Well, thanks.” Remus mumbled, lifting his head and crossing his arms over his stomach. He was going to miss this moment when he hit another low in a day or two.

“I bet you’ve got even sweeter ones in there somewhere,” Sirius tilted his head as if convincing him to give him more and Remus shook his head and huffed and hoped he wasn’t blushing.

“No, I can’t think of anymore,” He protested and _wished_ he could think of another.

“Where were you off to before this lovely little box trapped us?” Sirius asked.

“Ah, the grocery.” He nodded down at the grocery bags next to him.

“Low on milk?” He hummed.

“Low on everything.” His voice rasped. Sirius stared at him evenly and Remus was still high enough to stare back and think of nothing.

The lights flickered as if time was restarting and Remus watched Sirius, falling right back into the stream of space time. The elevator gave a jolt and a shake and started to descend. Sirius looked up at the number and they both watched it tick down. The box floated to a stop and pinged politely, the doors opening. Sirius looked from the open to doors to Remus with brows raised and they both stayed leaned against the walls.

“I think we’re free.” Sirius noted. The doors started to close and he jumped forward to stop them and Remus leaned down to pick up his bags and exit the lift as well. They looked around at the apartment lobby and blinked. There was no one around except a woman just coming inside the front doors and making her way to the lift and hurrying inside before the doors closed and pressing the button distractedly.

Remus looked at Sirius.

“Groceries?” Sirius asked propping his hands on his hips.

“Groceries?”

“Weren’t you going to the grocery store?” He drawled impatiently.

“Yes, yes, of course. I…” He patted his pockets as if that had anything to do with his realization that the bus he needed was long gone. “I’ve missed the bus, actually. There’s not another one for a bit and it’s… a bit late, I think, so…”

“Oh, no,” Sirius protested, “Surely I could take you!”

“You could take me,” He echoed looking at him and still not quite as snappy as he’d like to be in this situation, “You drive.”

“Yes, I drive.” Sirius smiled and nodded as if enjoying his laggard pace.

“You really don’t have to, it’s fine – to wait for tomorrow, it’s no worry,” he tried.

“Oh Remus, would you only please allow me the basest pleasure of giving you a ride,” Sirius clasped his hands theatrically before himself and Remus gave him a flat glare.

“Fuck off.”

“ _That’s_ what I like to hear!” Sirius hurrahed and followed Remus to the door.

They chatted about introductory things as Remus followed him down to the park and they were still talking when Sirius approached a very shiny and very black motorcycle. Remus stopped and shook his head shallowly, giving him a disbelieving look.

“No you don’t.” Remus stated matter of factly, because he couldn’t.

“I do.” Sirius grinned with all the pride and delight of someone who’d looked forward to this, “It’s sexy, I know.”

“ _Shut_ up.” Remus shook his head and arranged his grocery bags over his torso so they were secure, as he approached the black beast behind Sirius. Sirius barked his laugh again, producing two helmets and giving him one which he put on ridiculously. Sirius of course looked like a four horseman as he donned his and snapped the clip before fussing with Remus’ to make sure it was secure.

And Sirius slung a leg over the back and Remus thought to the godless sky, _who is putting me on_ , as he avoided looking at Sirius’ thighs. Sirius lifted a hand as if to help a lady and Remus took it and got on - and did so look forward to this. When he turned the ignition, the bike rumbled lowly beneath them and Sirius revved it gently.

“It’s quiet.” Remus noted.

“Of course, I’m a proponent of mufflers because I’m not a complete dickhead.”

“Not completely,” Remus laughed.

“Exactly.”

And Sirius took him for a ride. He held on and kept his eyes open as the city passed by and marveled at the other cars passing by with nothing between them but air. He even wished the helmet didn’t have a visor so he could feel the breeze. And even as he held out a hand to feel the wind, anticipated the time when he would miss this and halfheartedly mourned the loss of it.

Remus strolled the aisles in the grocery and laughed at the jokes Sirius made, which obviously pleased him greatly because he vied for the noise and nearly preened at it.

He laughed from the thrill when Sirius sped on the way home, making the bike snarl, clutching the groceries between their bodies.

And they paused in the lobby- “Stairs?” “I should think.” Sirius helped to carry the grocery bags and complimented them, and Remus explained they were from his mother.

At Remus’ door, Sirius said, “Surely you have to invite me in.” And Remus thought that was sort of an asshole thing to say and he knew his apartment was a mess and it smelled like weed and it was undecorated but he’d been passed caring about that for a while and he wasn’t going to end this night right now.

And he was not going to take his groceries off Sirius’ shoulders and say _thank you, goodbye!_

So, “of course.”

Sirius helped him put all the groceries away by handing them to him from the bags. Then they were finished, and Sirius surveyed the whole of the apartment because the door to the tiny bedroom was also open.

“You’re a bit messy, aren’t you.” Sirius commented and Remus rolled his eyes.

“Thanks.”

“I don’t mind.” Sirius offered earnestly. Remus hummed in assent and Sirius made his way over to the desk while Remus sat down on the two-seater couch and put a foot on the table, pulling his other one up to rub gently.

Sirius picked up his laptop and sat down with it, open to the music, and made a curious noise. He pressed play and Remus leaned his head back against the couch as Sirius listened.

_My guy pretty like a girl…_

Sirius listened and scrolled down his tracks, oohing and ahing.

And they talked for another hour. Until Remus was falling asleep. Sirius asked when they could next see each other, and Remus smiled through his drowse.

“This isn’t goodbye, then?” He crackled.

“No, it mustn’t be, you have to come meet James and Lils!” And Remus smiled and nodded, “alright, sure.”

It would be a pleasant meeting and they would chat and perhaps visit with each other a few more times and eventually a week would go by and they’d catch up again but then a month would go by and then forever. That’s what he figured. But he made absolutely sure to blink his eyes open again just to see him one more time before the night is over.

He should have walked him to the door even, but he didn’t.

And when he woke up, a note with unfamiliar handwriting lay on his table and made him smile.


End file.
